The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Escaping the Mirage: The High Cost of Self-Deception

Warning: This content challenges conventional thinking. Open-minded readers only.

There is nothing more powerful than a good story.

Stories shape our perceptions, connect us, and give meaning to life.

They influence our beliefs and what we deem possible.

You, my friend, are a story walking through life.

We carefully curate our narratives, choosing memories and constructing meaning retrospectively, creating reasoning behind past experiences. We can’t help but create stories.

But what happens when those stories become distorted?

What happens when we get caught in the mirage?

What happens when we start believing stories that aren't true?

This is where self-deception can show it’s face for the first time. Sometimes we can become so attached to the stories we tell ourselves that we lose sight of reality.

We may:

• exaggerate our accomplishments

• downplay our flaws

• blame others for our shortcomings

• feel like a complete imposter.

This self-deception is like white-noise in an old recording, it could be incredibly subtle, operating just below the conscious awareness.

Sly, but vicious the mirage fog can compound over time.

Seeping into our subconscious, shaping how we perceive opportunities, relationships, and even our own capabilities.

Like subtle distortion in a mix, these biases don't announce themselves—they simply color everything we hear, experience and believe, even about our own capabilities.

Self-awareness is the first step in breaking free.

Self-awareness starts with seeing reality clearly, accepting it, and focusing on what we can control.

It requires balancing healthy confidence with humility—confident enough to take action, humble enough to stay grounded.

This delicate balance helps us avoid both arrogance and self-doubt as we navigate toward our goals.

The Self-Deception Trap

Self-deception is the act of convincing oneself of a false narrative—often driven by fear, insecurity, or ego.

These are the very mindsets that block us from achieving what we're capable of, operating beneath the surface of our awareness.

This makes them extremely difficult to identify from our current perspective.

There are two faces to the illusion:

• Positive Face: Overestimating abilities, expecting success without effort, and blindly ignoring weaknesses.

• Negative Face: Imposter syndrome - undervaluing your abilities and believing you're inadequate.

Because the stories we tell ourselves are so potent, we have to be aware of the two extremes of ego's influence and their relation to reality. Both sides can hinder your progress, growth, and potential.

The positive side of the illusion can make you view things from a perspective where you overestimate your abilities.

You might receive public praise on a great mix from a friend or someone who randomly found your music online, and that could send you into the positive face of the illusion, clouding your judgment.

I experienced this myself early when I first started sharing my work.

I quickly discovered that I was intentionally creating an echo chamber of my own thoughts—only sharing my music with people who reinforced my narratives about my skills.

This made feedback extremely hard for me to deal with, as praise (both positive and negative) pushed me to either extreme, sometimes sending me to the negative face to experience imposter syndrome.

I felt like I didn't have what it took, dwelling on my weaknesses and fixating on the belief that I wasn't good enough to work at a professional level.

What was being said wasn't actually the thing that affected me that way—it was the way that I perceived what was being said.

Our ego creates powerful narratives that shape our self-perception and beliefs about our capabilities. It fiercely defends these inner stories, distorting reality to protect its self-image.

This creates blind spots in our awareness, preventing honest self-assessment and often leading to arrogance or other cognitive biases that limit our growth.

This sheds light on why the information I'm sharing with you is so important for your development. To embrace art, one must pursue mastery in their craft—but more importantly, mastery over one's mind and potential.

CLARITY: See reality without distortion.

ACCEPTANCE: Acknowledge truth and focus on what you control.

ACTION: Move decisively beyond mental resistance and inertia.

The High Cost of Self-Deception

There is a high cost to unchecked self-deception. Self-illusions kept me blind for so long. The stories I told myself led me to create a negative relationship with my own ego, where I did everything in my power to protect that story.

Living a lie (even unconsciously) comes at a steep cost.

When we cling to self-deceptions, we blind ourselves to reality. Remember when we discussed how self-deception can manifest in both positive and negative ways?

The positive illusion, while seeming harmless, can lead us down a dangerous path.

Overestimating our abilities can lead to:

• the inability to learn

• closing off our minds to other possibilities

• feelings of complacency

• the "I've arrived" mindset

• missed opportunities

• a life that doesn't deeply satisfy us

We might not prepare adequately for challenges, underestimate the time and effort required, and ultimately fall short of our goals.

On the flip side, negative illusions like imposter syndrome can cripple us with self-doubt.

Self-doubt can lead to:

• avoiding taking risks

• fearing failure

• negative self-talk

• fear of public humiliation.

This fear can keep us stuck in a cycle of self-sabotage, preventing us from reaching our full potential.

Beyond missed opportunities and stunted mental growth, self-deception can also damage our relationships.

Our constant need for validation, driven by the ego's need to maintain its self-image, can alienate those around us.

Constant comparisons, hidden insecurities, and the need to always appear like you have it together can strain personal and professional connections.

It will run you into your grave.

But the greatest cost of self-deception is that it robs us of acceptance.

When we're caught deep in the eye of the mirage, we resist reality.

We fight against the present moment, what really is.

We cling to how we wish things were, attaching to the past or future instead of accepting them as they are in the moment.

This resistance creates inner friction, stress, and a profound sense of dissatisfaction, all while these stories keep you from doing the work that's required to change.

True acceptance, on the other hand, is not about rolling over or waving the white flag to a negative situation.

It's about acknowledging the truth, reality, cutting through the bullshit, even if it's painful, so that we can move forward with clarity and purpose.

It's about recognizing that we can't control everything, but we can control how we respond to the challenges life throws our way.

So, I ask you again, what is this self-deception costing you?

What opportunities are you missing out on?

What relationships are you damaging?

What dreams are you putting on hold?

And most importantly, what is it preventing you from accepting?

Embracing Reality: The Middle Road

Between the two extremes of the illusion, there lies a middle road.

On this road, you remain grounded in humility while maintaining confidence in your ability to take action.

You don't let ego rob you of the clarity that this exact moment brings you — instead, you are able to see things for what they are and shamelessly take action toward change.

Once you achieve this clarity, staying "awake" is crucial for remaining on the middle road as long as possible.

I've realized for myself, this is a never-ending balancing act that will accompany me for the rest of my life.

I also realize that I'm not perfect and still will have moments experienced on either face of the illusion—I'm human.

But knowing this is the long game, we can stay in the fight knowing that we can only control what we can control.

The key is remaining "awake" as long as possible so we can apply the most directed focus, intention, and attention to the areas of our lives that will make the greatest difference.

I want to share some tools that I have found that help me stay aware of reality:

• Journaling

• Meditation

• Seeking Different Perspectives

• Letting Go

• Mindfulness

• Deep Conversations

Seeking different perspectives is the ONLY way to see a glimmer of objective truth.

That’s worth reading again.

I wanted to preface this before we jump into some of my favorite self-awareness practices, as it has the potential to create an echo chamber for your ego's self-serving narratives.

Journaling:

Journaling has been a staple in the changes that I've been able to make in my own life.

It started off as a very cathartic way for me to release tension and express how I felt about the effort I was putting in on a daily basis.

I journaled every day and every morning for the better part of 2 years.

I would write down the things I wanted to achieve, the frustrations I had with myself, my inability to take action, and my disappointment about events that didn't happen or fell through.

I write down my L’s, I'd document my wins and share insights about the things I was learning and what I wanted out of the life I was living.

In my journal, I was truly able to reflect and develop a better relationship with my inner voice as well as a better grasp on my thoughts.

Journaling was amazing. Through journaling, I was able to notice and recognize so many patterns that I didn't know were there.

I was dumbfounded about what was lying under the surface of my awareness. As I read between the lines of my journal entries, I started to see some of the deeper things that were holding me back. Because I chose to be honest with myself, I was able to see deep into the way I thought.

Journaling is still paramount to my growth, but over-reliance on it became an echo chamber of negative thoughts—constant reiterations of my own limited perspective.

While everyone's perspective is valid, mine is just one in a sea of perspectives experiencing the world.

Reading back through my entries, I'd see negative thoughts dominating the pages: feelings that I wasn't good enough to work as a professional, fear of failure, and how that quickly transformed into fear of success.

Without seeking other perspectives, I got caught up in the bullshit of my own thoughts and inadvertently cemented these limiting beliefs into my psyche.

BE CAREFUL WITH JOURNALING

Use it to uncover patterns then seek out other perspectives.

Your view of reality must be tested against other perspectives to obtain a slice of objective truth.

Meditation is also a practice I use to find clarity within myself, but just like journaling, i have found that for myself that any inward introspective work must be balanced with outside perspective.

Both journaling and meditation, while valuable tools for self-reflection, require a crucial ingredient: acceptance.

Acceptance means embracing reality as it is—not as you wish it to be.

It's acknowledging what you can't change while taking ownership of how you respond.

This acceptance is the key to unlocking your full potential and cutting through the mirage.

Building a Foundation of Reality

Feedback: If your eyes couldn't give your brain feedback about objects in your awareness, you'd likely fall, run into obstacles, or be paralyzed by the inability to see.

Feedback is crucial to navigating reality.

Surrounding yourself with people who care about your growth enough to give you critical feedback is going to be pivotal for your development.

Perspectives that you value, perspectives that will hold you to your goals, and above all, perspectives from people who care about your growth enough to give you the brutal, honest truth—even when it's difficult to hear.

A supportive network helped me become more honest with myself.

It allowed me to find people I could share my work with who genuinely cared about my growth — people willing to give me the hard truths I wasn't getting from the echo chambers I had created for myself.

It taught me to have a better relationship with the feedback I receive while also keeping me grounded in my own abilities, trying my best to remain on the middle road.

If your not part of a community or have a small group of friends you can share your music with, go find one.

Goals: Once we have objective clarity about where we stand, we can determine what we want and figure out the next steps needed to take direct action toward those goals.

Being concrete with our focus on what we want provides the clarity that makes intrinsic motivation more accessible. When you know precisely what to focus on, it becomes much easier to commit fully to that cause.

Concentrate on daily progress and your daily efforts. "Atomic Habits" comes to mind, along with many other books that reinforce the principle of trying to be 1% better today than yesterday.

Make this your daily aim while understanding the middle road requires that you must focus only on what you can control—this prevents you from getting caught up in a game you're not even trying to play.

It's about the compounding results of consistent effort and attention on those factors.

Grit: Try your best to view failures as opportunities for growth.

It's easy to think about and grasp but hard to put into practice when the time comes. Don't view failures as a negative reflection of your own self-worth — understand that there is a lesson to learn in every situation.

It's all about the perspective you're looking through. The ability to bounce back and to embrace challenges will depend on you learning to separate from the ego to gain clarity.

A phrase from stoic philosophy—"It is what it is"—has always intrigued me because it has taught me to recognize that this phrase isn't meant to relinquish responsibility but to use it as a call to take charge.

This phrase for me has a sobering grip on my attention.

Try to recognize when your ego wants to stay attached to thoughts that protect its narrative, you can use this phrase to make choices to cut through the bullshit and move forward.

Escaping the Mirage

Self-deception is a common trap, but embracing reality is the path to freedom and fulfillment.

It requires courage and resilience, but the rewards are clarity, confidence, and a deeper connection to ourselves and the world.

So, challenge your narratives, seek feedback, and cultivate acceptance.

Embrace the present moment and create the life you truly desire.

The path out of the mirage is waiting.

Are you ready to walk it?